Manscaping

Boyhood's wild masculine fantasies of conquering

"cannots" and "will nots" have lightning-lava tumbled

away from once carefree realities. I am tall,

but no pirate-viking-superhero-rock god.

I now lift pencils, furnish my home in Bed Bath & Beyond

knick knacks, and daintily sip white wine—

the capital paradigm repossessed my throne.

But last I checked during my morning's piss

I am a man, and like the towering Atlas,

a globe of testosterone rests on my shoulders.

My face is a cityscape for seizing back boyhood's

precocious demands to crash through the ceiling

of Aristotelian world views. Hair is the infinite ladder;

the war horn to scare away the ravens of Nevermore.

A Handlebar Mustache morphs lesser men into bare

knuckle brawling contenders; Friendly Mutton Chops

set one on equal footing with General Ambrose Burnside.

Circle beards, Soul Patches, Zappas and Anchors, all facial fluff

fortifies a man against melding among the "cannots" and "will nots"

of baby face persuasion. Release the envy of inner boyhood

because Charles Darwin understood what made the fittest.

(A poem for men who feel like their boyhood dreams of grandeur are gone. Repossess your throne!)

Cleopatra

A coy glance and come-hither wink lured

me to her spider trap. She sashayed around Bourbon Street

Blues Company with fine, rounded convex hips

to the beat of lulling sweet heat; sax and drums,

the theme to her crow-black bob and beguiling amygdaliform

eyes spelled my doom, but I slithered over

to her with no modesty or fluffy talk, armed

to the marrow with Bayou boast. She charmed me

with milk-moon complexion and a sloshing tray of test tube

trickery. I'll gift you a shot from my mouth: only five dollars.

Unlike Marc Antony before me, I meant to wholly conquer

this woman and her sweet fig lips; I refused to take bait

till she answered my crafted questions and fell mercy to my

scorpion venom, cruel little spider that she was.

Her favorite film: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Her favorite book: Norwegian Wood.

Satisfied, I knelt before her petite figure and took two shots,

and she reciprocated with a short, spirited conversation

over Jim Carrey's dramatics and Murakami's dismay.

Deluded by New Orleans' elysian whiskey patter I fell

prey to ancient desire and asked for her number.

She beckoned me to follow her through the throng

listening to sax and drums, her victorious arm held high,

balancing the tray. She never looked back and acknowledged me

as I pushed through those that parted for her. And I was fooled,

I knew all along yet troubled to continue chasing her like a puppy

desperate for love from its master. I rolled back out into the street

picking at my threadbare cunning and got lost

in her web that clung to my overcast mind and asp-poisoned blue wood.

(A poem about an interesting experience over the summer in New Orleans. To all those planning on going, be warned.) 

America Energy Independant a Reality?! What?

According to a report by the International Energy Agency (IEA), the U.S. is on the fast track to becoming the "world's biggest oil producer," and pretty soon, too. The country is expected to surpass Saudi Arabia by 2020 with a 11.1 million barrels per day compared to the latter's 10.6. My question is: Where did this come from all of a sudden? Our country has spent the last decade going on about how we need to be looking for new sources of energy, and with this report now in play, what will it do to that idea? What will become of our Toyota Priuses and Chevy Volts?

The method that is providing the country with this potential is fracking, which involves pumping down mixtures of sand, water, and chemicals at high pressure. Sounds neat. The number one question this will obviously elicit is: Will we go back to a Golden Age when gas cost less than a dollar at the pumps? Chances are that this is unlikely, and this "energy independence" won't look nearly as promising as I and everyone else would love to believe. All other stories about this report on the internet pretty much leave it looking as if this is excellent news for the nation, but Forbes doesn't think so; they've compiled a 10 Reasons list for why we shouldn't be breaking out the champagne and party hats. So before you all go out and start planting the seeds of this juicy development in the ears of all your friends and neighbors, I would suggest checking out the Forbes article because it's always good to know the negative effects of something that sounds too good to be true—this is one of those things. 

The Love/Hate Divide Over Cloud Atlas

Cloud Atlas is an ambitious film directed by the tripartite genius of the Wachowskis (The Matrix Trilogy) and Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run). These directors set out to make a film that would defy the status quo of film-making, and they have brilliantly accomplished that.

The challenge of combining six movies into one with the same actors appearing as multiple characters is a daunting one, and it's by no means easy to sit through placidly. This film is meant to inspire and awe like a spectacle. And that's where the film has its problems. The movie itself is divided into three pieces: film, stage, and art. Cloud Atlas breaks several conventions to deliver something that would translate well on the big screen, which in my opinion it does splendidly, but for others it didn't. The gender- and ethnic-bending and story-switching is a lot to take in, but if one watches the movie as something that is beyond a movie, if one reflects on it as a film-stage-art hybrid, then I believe more people will enjoy the work.

A handful of the many characters in Cloud Atlas

It's unfortunate that the movie didn't connect with audiences, even with such an impressive cast attached (Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Sturgess, Hugo Weaving, Hugh Grant etc.), but I am optimistic that Cloud Atlas will go the way most under-appreciated movies go: cult fanaticism.

How can you not want to see Hugh Grant in this role?

I highly recommend checking it out while it's still in theaters. Take your significant other. The screening won't have any of the obnoxious patrons that tend to ruin most other movies, so it'll be something special to behold in dark solitude. Keep an open mind, and don't let the run time daunt you because the movie is engrossing from start to finish.    

Words, so many words!

My last year, or more precisely eight months, of graduate school has descended upon me like the shrieking harpy of DOOM! Naysayers, be warned!

For this semester, I've decided to take two courses--both creative writing--and I'm happy that I will focus strictly on craft. Working on poetry and fiction will reinforce my strongest talents and hopefully annihilate my weakest points--wordiness, for one. the instructors teaching me in each class couldn't be any different, so the dichotomy of instructional methods will prove most satisfactory, or so I hope. Dr. Waters, my poetry professor, is a bit of a hard-ass and doesn't care for anything I've written, which is a shame considering I put in 60% of my efforts last fall semester into his class (25% and 15% in the other two).

When I've completed my portfolios for these classes, my spring semester will be the one to truly test my patience and skill; my manuscript must be a minimum of 50 pages, and I must also included a 20-source annotated bibliography (oh fucking joy). I still haven't wrapped my head around what I want to focus on for my manuscript except that I want it to be an interesting short story. My primary idea feels good, interesting, but I can't quite think of all the things that will make it poignant. Luckily, there are a few sources that I intend on looking into; unfortunately, most of them are movies. It's doubtful I can use them for my annotated bibliography.

Finishing will be a great relief when it finally comes to an end. I have a few aspirations that I am extremely excited for, and all I need is to finish my education. I love learning, it is vital to do so everyday, but I'm damn sick of it at this point. I'll be my own teacher in eight "short" months.   

Whedon's "Marvel-based" Series Follows S.H.I.E.L.D

It's official. The series announcement that Disney teased us all with a little while ago has been announced that it will follow the exploits of S.H.I.E.L.D (Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division). While Captain America and the rest of the Avengers cast is not expected to sign on, that doesn't count out our two prominent agents—so as long as the series doesn't follow the post-The Avengers timeline (we all want Phil Coulson in our lives).

This is speculative, but I can almost guarantee that Cobie Smulders will want to be a part of this project to reprise her role as Agent Maria Hill. In fact, she should be the main character because—come on! She's still a regular cast member on "How I Met Your Mother" though, so the chances of a scheduling conflict is very real. However, I have a good feeling about this.

ABC has ordered a pilot, and while Whedon may not have the time to really get his hands dirty with this project since "The Avengers" sequel is on his plate, several of his "Whedonites," such as Jed Whedon, Jeffrey Bell, and Maurissa Tancheroen, are on board with this one.

Other than the pilot, there aren't any details, so how the show's overall scope and feel is impossible to grasp; but the fact that this is actually happening, with these group of people a part of it, means that something a slice above your standard television series is currently in the works.

I for one am a happy schoolboy.

Not All Television is a Neverending Shame

Nothing here needs to be reiterated that isn't a tacit fact. Television rolls around in the mire of its own sloppy writing, pacing, and every other attribute known to moving pictures. It's a damn shame in every way--but in every smoky ruin of dystopia there's always something that comes along and reestablishes faith in humanity. The item I'm discussing is "Downton Abbey".

Some of you may have heard of it, but chances are most have not. This television series finished airing its second season on PBS (you see? support public broadcast) just before the end of 2011 and has gathered itself a dedicated fanbase on par with any other popular series during prime time in the US. I am lucky to have my faithful Netflix account always ready to suggest a number of movies and television shows, so I decided to give in and find out what "Downton Abbey" was all about.

Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley

Now, I've just finished watching season 1, and I'm blown away. I enjoy "Sherlock" and "Game of Thrones" for their many wonderful elements that make them shine, but even they do not excel in every category such as this show. To be quite frank, I am flabbergasted that I enjoyed it as much as I did. Not giving too much away, the premise revolves around the inheritance of Robert Crawley's (Hugh Bonneville) estate because he has no male heirs--only three daughters. The issue of class is also a major plot point/theme as both the aristocratic Grantham family and their servants are the main characters. And this is where the show really shines; every major character contributes a whole lot to the pacing, acting, drama, everything of this series. Everyone is simply superb, and best of all (a personal preference because I abhor casting directors' needs to make every major character unrealistically beautiful) this group of people feel real, which only adds greater depth to their already incredible acting abilities.

The main characters in the Crawley staff

Rather than go on with a myriad of explanations praising "Downton Abbey", I'll leave this list of the best aspects of the series, and let you, the reader, decide whether you'd like to give it a shot. In closing, the best way to describe whether you'd enjoy the series: I'll say that it is similar to watching a collection of Keira Knightley period pieces, except less overly dramatized and with tighter writing.

• Every character is incredible. Whether I hate, love, or am indifferent about one, they all aid in weaving an immense story.
• The pacing is remarkable for a series steeped in Edwardian culture, which many would find boring. 
• The cinematography is worth merit because it gathers attention. You know you're being treated to something special when you are conscious of it.
• The dynamic between the servants are some of the most pleasing scenes I've ever watched.
• The theme song explains the series better than any critic could. Music speaks to the soul, and it releases this show's soul with great effect. 
• Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall of Harry Potter fame) delivers the greatest one-liners. She is truly the most experienced actress in the series and delivers her entire performance effortlessly.